Monday, November 8, 2010

What is romantic love?

What is romantic love? Is it something that can be attained by virtue of being close to another person for an extended period of time? Or does it involve instances of feeling a fluttering feeling within your heart?

Reaching a degree of compatibility These days, it seems a lot of people are in relationships. The reason they are in relationships is because things generally work with their other half. You share some common interests. There are some people who, as hard as you try, you're not able to become friends with because the conversations do not flow naturally. Couples work because they are able to communicate with eachother with relative ease.

And so you begin spending more time with that other person. By doing this, you share common experiences and pick up eachother's habits. This gives you even more opportunity to communicate with your partner. This leads to spending more time with them. This cycle continues. As time goes by, each member of the couple forms a dependency on the other.

Let's say you get along with your partner. Things are alright, you have the odd argument from time to time. You don't like everything about your partner. But you are able to get along with eachother.

So a degree of compatibility is reached. You are compatible to an extent that you can form a relationship. As I mentioned before, many people are in relationships. So are most these people in relationships in love?

Magic Now picture this situation. You are with someone else. There is something about them - the way they talk, the things they talk about, their behaviour, whatever it is, creates a giddy feeling in your heart; your heart flutters, melts, or beats in a strange way. This feeling may cause tears to well up in your eyes. Also, I'd like to point out that this is not a temporary feeling you get when you first meet them. It continues through years and years.

You feel as though this person knows you so well. You are completely comfortable with this person, able to share all your secrets and thoughts with them.

There are more ups and downs with this person than the one discussed above. You experience more conflicts and differences. You identify many more flaws and personality incompatibilities with this person than the one above. These negative factors strain the relationship considerably.

Does this special feeling within your heart mean it is love? Or is this thinking too simple and immature?

Situation 1 versus situation 2 Although being near someone for an extensive period may cause you to believe it's love, in reality it is feelings of attachment and familiarity. If the relationship has been going on for more than a year and the heart-fluttering sensation has not occured, it is not possible that this will happen out of the blue one day. The feelings of closeness may gradually turn into love and care in time. However, for the most part, people tend to find someone they are compatible with and settle for that. Therefore, most people are not in love. They are content for the present moment. The positive though, is the stability that comes from this kind of relationship.

Some people may think the second situation is shallow and overly simple. But how many people do you meet that can make your heart melt? This occurrence is very rare. You could meet 10 people you are compatible with to an extent that a relationship can be formed out of it. But out of those 10 people, it is most probable that not one of them can cause a reaction in your heart. When you meet someone in the second category, you will know it is completely different to all other relationships.

Uncertainties I question whether there is a clear distinction of what is love, as I previously described, or whether there are varying degrees of compatibility and once a level is reached, that is called love. It may be there is a scale of compatibility. Everyone you form a romantic relationship with is on the scale. It is when someone is on the higher end of compatibility to you, that becomes "love".

For now, I believe in a clear distinction. When you get a unique, out-of-the ordinary feeling different to other feelings you have had, you will know it is love.


  1. Do you really approve of people going into relationships that they somehow know aren't going to stay for life?
    Is it right to have one that stays just for sometime..
    Aren't they making a mockery of the word "LOVE"
    Anyways, I like your writing. So I am happy to follow your blog.

  2. real life or romance is hard to get, most people just like what you said, though together but not really deeply in love, when people can't find the one they deeply in love, the settle for the next alternative -

  3. GvSparx: Thanks for your comment!
    I don't approve of people going into relationship that aren't going to be for life. But with so many people in relationships now and all these relationship breakdowns that occur so commonly, it seems many people are doing that.
    It's not the right thing, too many people settle for what seems alright, not something powerful.

    sextisfaction: so true! only those who have experienced it are able to tell the distinction. And the distinction is very obvious.

  4. I wish things could change, but anyways, none can sustain that void for long :(

  5. It's been quite some time waiting for your next post!! Miss U Miss E